We all know what ghosting is: suddenly cutting off all contact with a person you’re dating, banging or otherwise hanging out with. We’ve all probably at least heard of breadcrumbing, which is just 2017 speak for the timeless act of leading someone on. The relationship hits, though, they keep on coming.
For people in a budding romance who maybe have missed –- or have just not yet experienced –- ghosting, and for people actually dating someone IRL (versus just perpetually making plans a la breadcrumbing), there’s a new relationship landmine: submarining.
Let’s say you go on a date, which admittedly is a giant hurdle these days, and it goes well. Your guy or gal seems well adjusted, has a few demographic factors you find key and they didn’t freak out about your job. Also of note: They didn’t get that glazed-over look that always comes moments before some yahoo leans in with “You know, I consider myself very sexual, and I’ve always wanted to be a performer…” Heck, this is going well. So you get your hopes up (just a little).
A few more solid dates go by. You’ve now seen this person at night and in the daylight (that’s a biggie). The sex is good, and there are no text games –- not too much and not too few. Response time is reasonable, even ideal. You’re starting to feel good.
Apparently, though, don’t.
More and more, frustrated daters are experiencing a whole new level of flakiness wherein the person they’re interested in –- and maybe even have a little bit of relationship road traveled with –- drops off the radar completely for weeks, or even months, only to pop back up as if nothing has happened.
They then expect to come back into your life as if no time has passed, like the proverbial ocean waters are ready to part and settle back around them in some sort of soothing, compliant embrace.
Like a submarine.
Mashable called submarining “the hot new way to be a jerk” and explained submarining is in the same craptastic dating family as zombie-ing (when an ex ghosts you but then comes back). The difference between zombie-ing and submarining is the zombie acknowledges their absence as well as their desire to start things back up again, whereas the submariner acts like nothing odd went down.
There are a lot of dating trends that range from annoyingly meh to downright mean: Don’t get me started on stashing, which happens when your hottie essentially hides your relationship from their mom, from their social media and even from their pet. All of these can suck, especially when they happen in your offline/off-work life, but submarining and zombie-ing also can happen with your members too.
These iterations of post-ghosting can present interesting situations on cam. If a person is one of your regulars, getting ghosted may legitimately sting, both in your pocketbook and personally. When (if) that person comes back, you may be legitimately fine with it. Such is the ever-changing nature of cam work. You may even have an opportunity for role play and the “jilted lover” game.
But you also may actually be legitimately pissed.
Balancing work-slanted interactions with those that are more personally motivated in the midst of all these various dating behavior trends is challenging. Like with most things in life, the best bet is always to be true to your feelings. If a regular pops back into your room after months of being gone, acting as if nothing has happened, and you’re mad, be sincere in your response.
No one is worth being toyed with, not even with a toy submarine.
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Oh, you missed the whole breadcrumbing explanation, all about leading someone on via text, DM and more? Read our breadcrumbing expose here.
If they come back with this story, you must forgive them and email me (because I want to hear about it).
Image © Don Le
