Slut Shaming: Petty, Insecure Behavior

“You’re such a slut!”

“I hate that whore!”

You may have had slut shaming directed at you. Hell, you may have directed it at other women. But guess what: In this type of petty insecure behavior, no one wins.

Slut shaming is a form of social stigma that may be applied to all people. It’s especially applied, however, to women and girls — particularly those who are perceived to violate traditional expectations for gendered behaviors often related to sex.

Women and girls may be slut-shamed for dressing provocatively or for not dressing provocatively enough. Women and girls may be slut-shamed for being “too sexually available” or for not being sexually available enough. Women are slut shamed for being workers, survivors, runners, politicians and artists –- basically, anything a woman or girl can do, in whatever manner she chooses to do it, can be slut-shamed.

Slut shaming is nothing new

Though slut shaming is new to the public eye, it’s in no way a new thing. Insulting a person for perceptions about her sexuality goes back through history and often is the easiest and quickest way to invalidate and devalue a woman.

Dr. Kate Lister, who curates the Whores of Yore project, recently delivered a talk about the subject. Whores of Yore is a platform for academics, activists, sex workers and archivists to share experiences, research, history and stories about sexuality, sex work and slut-shaming. Shockingly, she revealed famous historical females including Ann Boleyn, Joan of Arc and Marie Antoinette were survivors of slut-shaming. It’s worth noting that Joan of Arc died a virgin. That’s right, and yet she was called the “French whore.”

Haters gonna hate

Attacking a woman’s sexuality often is rooted in jealousy. Strong women comfortable with their sexuality are perceived as a threat to the status quo. Slut-shaming is used as a tool to disable the threat by discrediting the woman.

Often used by the patriarchal establishment to silence female opponents, slut-shaming makes its way into politics, celebrity and royalty as well as everyday life. Don’t be fooled into thinking slut-shaming is just a tool of the patriarchy, though. Often, the worst slut-shamers are none other than our fellow women. How often have you heard colleagues discussing a woman’s promotion at work when a question comes up: “Whose dick did she suck to get that job?”

How often have you comforted a friend whose partner left her for another woman by saying, “You’re much better than her. She’s nothing but a slut.”

Comments like those come from a place of insecurity in ourselves, and women slut-shaming other women is even worse than when men say the words. If you find yourself sliding into slut-shaming as a default, take active steps to avoid the behavior. Allow yourself some time for self-care so you can increase your own feelings of value.

Slut-shaming on cam

The internet is a hotbed of slut-shaming, particularly for sex workers. Sadly, few cam performers haven’t been on the receiving end of sexual slurs, particularly on social media. This presents a bit of a conundrum. Social media is an important way to increase traffic and gain a larger audience, but it also provides an easy opportunity for people to insult and abuse models.

Slut-shaming doesn’t come only from the general public, though. Sadly, sometimes slut-shaming comes from peers and colleagues. This is often an indicator of success envy –- which is cold comfort when you’re on the receiving end. Slut-shaming from peers often is much harder to deal with than slut-shaming from clients or random guys, as peers often are people we admire. This type of hate stings much worse.

If you are experiencing slut-shaming from an industry peer or a random internet user, try to remember the action says more about the shamer than the shamee. The simplest answer often is the best answer: block, block, block. If you find slut-shaming particularly triggering, leave the screen until you feel ready to deal with others’ actions. You also may contact the platform and/or network and complain. Particularly on social media, this can result in user suspension.

Change the conversation

It’s important we look to ourselves to change our own behaviour. During Dr Lister’s talk, she asked the room who had been guilty of slut-shaming. At first, nobody raised their hand. But as she brought up familiar phrases and situations, most hands in the room began to rise. This is how ingrained the behavior is in our subconscious. We may not even realize we’re doing it.

If you recognize slut-shaming behavior within yourself, take steps to avoid resorting to the tactic when dealing with issues.

As Dr. Lister explained during her talk, “’The word [whore] is so old that its precise origins are lost in the mists of time, but it can be traced back to the proto-Germanic ‘horon’ or ‘one who desires.’ It also links to the Old Norse ‘hora,’ or adulteress. And going back even further to proto-Indo-European language, ‘whore’ has roots in ‘ka,’ meaning to like or desire.”

Like? Desire? Looking at the word “whore” from its etymology, aren’t we all whores who like and desire? Instead of shaming women for desiring, we should be empowering them –- and ourselves.

Slut-shaming is not a part of life we should accept. The louder we shout “We will not tolerate this,” the more unacceptable slut-shaming will become.

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Katy Seymour is a super-sex-positive writer in the U.K. who believes kink is life. Email her at katy@ynotcam.com.

You will not slut shame Lana del Rey!

Image © Marcio Eugenio.