You tell your guys you care about them, and you do.
You tell your guys you love them, and you do. (Love comes in many forms.)
You tell your guys you’re gonna get married so they can take you away from all this stress and you really want be with them and you’ll have their babies, but in the meantime you need some help with your bills…
At what point is this crossing the line?
Preston Ni explained 14 ways to spot a manipulator for Psychology Today. According to Ni, there’s a distinction between healthy social influence and psychological/emotional manipulation. Healthy social influence is a commonplace part of the give and take of interpersonal relationships. Manipulation, however, involves one person being used for the benefit of another. The manipulator deliberately creates an imbalance of power and exploits the victim to serve a specific agenda. Hm.
Here’s a list of tricks that are used in various combinations during manipulation, according to Ni.
Home court advantage: A manipulative individual may insist on you meeting and interacting in a physical space where they can exercise more dominance and control.
Lets you speak first to establish your baseline: a classic tactic in negotiating.
Manipulates facts.
Facts and statistics overload: aka “intellectual bullying.” (We all know a person like this.)
Procedures and red tape overload.
Shouting and other negative emotional displays.
Negative surprises: things like a let down or a disappointment, wherein the manipulator demands concessions to continue.
Giving little or no time to decide: “Tell me…now.”
Negative humor: Teasing or being critical in a way that highlights a person’s sensitive points.
Constant judgement and criticism.
The silent treatment.
Pretending ignorance: aka “playing dumb.”
Guilt-baiting: …which can lead to forced or obligatory-seeming apologies.
Victimhood.
I’m willing to bet that all of us have performed at least some version of each of these manipulation tactics at some point in our lives, and that’s probably OK — even normal. But what about in the context of cam, specifically in terms of telling members what they want to hear? In the gray scale of model-to-client interaction, where’s the line?
I recently came across a fascinating thread on Twitter wherein Ginger Banks posed the question, “What do you think of models who tell guys that they have a chance of getting married/having kids, when in reality that would never happen?”
What do you think of models who tell guys that they have a chance of getting married/having kids, when in reality that would never happen?
— Ginger Banks (@gingerbanks1) June 19, 2017
Is this dishonest and awful? An acceptable part of the hustle? Is it totally fine… as long as everyone knows what’s up, as in role-playing or something? The discussion that followed Ginger’s original query proved fascinating.
First, Jane Burgess clarified the conversation.
I think she means they are lying to string these guys along. I personally hate that since its just wrong to do
— Jane Burgess (@JaneBurgessAZ) June 19, 2017
Then the thoughts started rolling in. Check out some of the key contributions (IMO) below.
Here, people are concerned with the long-term impact to a guy’s overall psyche:
Dishonesty is wrong in many ways. And playing with a Guy’s feeling can hurt way more than you think 🙁
— Shaun Kong (@LuisKong_7) June 20, 2017
I think its utterly wrong, there are a lot of members who are emotionally vulnerable, & it’s hurting people for profit.
— Martin (@Kind_Geek) June 19, 2017
Via this tweet, we learn clients can also be manipulators. Or they can at least try to be.
The worst thing is when you tell the member you don’t want a relationship with him, but he insists that YOU are in love with him! Like wtf
— loollypop jessy (@loollypop24) June 20, 2017
This point is about long-term good business and strategy:
any camgirl that lies about stuff like that is not going to have a long history w clients. I have regs for years bc of honesty
— johnnylaps (@johnnylapsalot) June 19, 2017
These points were excellent, IMO, as they acknowledged the possibility of for-fun consensual role-play. It’s important to note that, if consent is present from both/all parties, fantasy role play is not emotional manipulation in the same sense Ni wrote about.
if its an agreed fetish play, sure. if not, then thats pretty horrible.
— Josh Lasagna (@joshlasagna) June 19, 2017
I think guys shouldn’t fall for or have the intention of being with a cam model. They should enjoy the fantasy provided with consent.
— Weapons-Grade Cunt (@DagNabbs) June 20, 2017
And this one just plain broke it down. There’s a difference between telling guys what they want to hear and outright cruelly manipulating. There’s a scale, and navigation thereof is part of the job.
We all manipulate our members in small ways but that’s going way too fucking far. It’s unethical and it’s disgusting.
— Teeg, yo! (@TeganTrex) June 19, 2017
By manipulation, I mean lying to dudes about how much we love dick sizes or they are large when they are average. Not full relationships
— Teeg, yo! (@TeganTrex) June 19, 2017
What do you think?
Read the full thread and all of the responses here.
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Got something you want to share? Tips or rage-inducing incidents from which other models may benefit? Email erika@ynotcam.com. I’d love to hear from you.
