I know death isn’t a pleasant topic, but there’s really no need to get upset over this natural fact: everything ends, ourselves included.
I say to you, sex worker to sex worker, your life has tremendous value. But when we don’t make a plan for what we want to happen after we die, we leave a tremendous mess behind for our loved ones to clean up. Here is some basic estate planning advice.
Last Will & Testament
Every adult needs a will, which simply means a legal blueprint for what you want to happen to your possessions once you’re gone. It doesn’t need to be complicated, but it should be thorough, outlining:
— Instructions on disposal of your body, explicitly stating any religious service, ceremony or burial procedure you do or do not want and how it will be paid for
— Access to your banking and investment accounts and how you’d like those funds to be disbursed
— A clear picture of everything you own, where to find it and how to access it, including your home, workspace, car, storage, safe, PO box, safety deposit box and any other place your stuff is located
— Instructions on who you want to leave your valuables and sentimental items to, along with contact information for those folks
— How you want the rest of your material possessions to be disposed of (eg if they’re to be donated, sold or discarded)
— Information on your bills and debts, including: Rent/mortgage, utilities, credit cards, insurance, student loans and monthly subscription services, such as gym membership, bus pass, Patreon, Spotify, etc
— Instructions on final disposal of your computer, phone, and social media accounts
When drawing up a will, it’s necessary to name an executor, meaning someone to carry out your wishes.
An executor should be a close friend, partner or family member. In most states, if you die without a will, the role of executor will fall to your parents. If they’re no longer alive, then that task will be assigned to your nearest living relative, such as a sibling, aunt or uncle.
If these aren’t the folks you want handling your affairs, all the more reason to draft a will and name your own executor. Be sure to ask if they want the job. It’s not fair to designate someone without telling them. Further, go over your will together so they understand your wishes directly from you.
Other Documents
The other document I strongly encourage you to draw up is an advance directive known as a medical power of attorney. In layperson’s terms, an advance directive just means a plan you make ahead of time. Hopefully this will be something you never need, but if you ever do, you’ll be very glad you have it.
A medical power of attorney spells out:
— Who your health care agent is, meaning the person you’ve picked to make decisions for your medical treatment if you’re unable to decide for yourself.
— What your wishes are in case of a health emergency. Do you want every measure taken to extend your life, spare you pain, or something else?
— Who is authorized to terminate your life support, and under what circumstances.
Just like your executor, your health care agent should be someone you trust to make these decisions on your behalf, while honoring your values.
Lawyer or DIY?
Most estate law is governed at the state level. If you draw up a will on your own, be sure to research your state’s requirements for signatures and witnesses. If you don’t follow the law to the letter, your will might be invalid.
If you’re unmarried, childless and have straightforward instructions for disposing of your estate, you’re a good candidate for using legal templates from LegalZoom or Nolo.com — a basic will and a medical power of attorney will cost you a few hundred dollars and might take you an hour or two to complete.
The more complex your financial affairs are though, the more likely you’ll need professional help.
For example, if you’re married, your estate may be subject to spousal inheritance laws that could override your wishes. Additionally, you should probably get legal advice if you have minor children, are divorced and/or remarried, own a small business or believe your will might be contested.
Definitely hire a lawyer if you have difficulty understanding legal jargon or don’t believe boilerplate forms reflect your particular situation. Don’t skimp — incomplete or inaccurate legal advice isn’t much better than no legal advice at all.
I realize all this might feel like a lot. That’s because it is. It’s your whole life. It’s also an important element of responsible adulthood: honoring our intentions and our loved ones by getting our affairs in order.
Until next time, be sweet to yourself.
Lola D.
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Lola Davina is a longtime veteran of the sex industry and author of Thriving in Sex Work: Sex Work and Money, her followup to the formative Thriving in Sex Work: Heartfelt Advice for Staying Sane in the Sex Industry. You can get the audio version of Sex Work and Money via Awesound here. Contact Davina at Lola.Davina@ynotcam.com and visit her on Twitter at @Lola_Davina.
Image of Lola Davina courtesy Pat Mazzera.
