Dominance, Devotion, or Simping? What’s the difference?

If you’re walking down a deeper path on your journey to BDSM, you may be intrigued by the situations where the nuances of dominance, devotion, and simping blur.

In a D/s dynamic, the healthiest practice advised for the dominant party is to build you up through a consented mutual headspace. BDSM is a space where you can do shadow work, and therefore express things that you may have not been able to express anywhere else. Nevertheless, depending on your dominant or submissive style, some situations and experiences may feel like you’re giving too much of yourself, missing the aim of your role, or even losing your authenticity.

So, how does one win devotion without simping?

And do repeated true acts of service break your dominant role?

What is Simping?

Simping is having such a low-value self-perception that you feel like you should implement manipulation techniques (i.e. schmoozing, groveling, fangirling) to make yourself small to earn attention or validation. For example, the thought of “you’re up there, and I’m down here, and I just want to seem impressive to you and do anything you want.” There is a chasm of difference between the terms “domination” and “simping” based on the self-value that the person brings into their relationships.

Simping is in the “beta” or submissive space with the flipside of the person not realizing their true worth and potential.

Kink-disposing vs. Humanity

Looking at your counterpart in a D/s dynamic as merely a kink disposer is a matter of objectification.

While this can be very stimulating, once you stop viewing your partner as a human outside of the kinky scene, problems arise. However, you are a human entitled to have feelings and express yourself as you wish at any time. Hence, you can be goofy, soft, sweet, or servile, even as a dom. This doesn’t necessarily mean you’re breaking character. You are showing the multiple aspects of yourself beyond your sexuality.

Therefore, true acts of service, rewards, and aftercare are not simping as a dom but expressions of your love language.

If a sub only wants you for the kinky part of your dynamic, and only views you as a kink dispenser, then the lack of sustained disciplinarian energy may be perceived as a disruption. As a matter of fact, according to Ms. Elle X, that is the problem with objectification. “It reduces your innate worth and it kills the connection,” she says. Thus, this is a point of negotiation when it comes to expectations and performance in and outside of the intimate realm.

Purpose, Legacy, and Meaning

Effective domination or servant leadership, as you want to see it, means that “you walk in so much authority that you hold the ability to build those beneath you without feeling powerless,” explained Ms. Elle X.

In that process, you should walk towards building purpose, meaning, and legacy, which are factors that give you a wholesome human experience. “When we don’t operate on that level, by default we seek out pleasure,” shared Ms. Elle X.

Nevertheless, if as a dominant you don’t feel like you have a purpose, hold sufficient authority, or are not showing up the lead, that doesn’t default into simping. Likewise, being a supportive submissive does not fall into simping either if you’re meeting a significant and fulfilling purpose.

Building trust, safety, and devotion

Safety, sanity, consent, and intimacy are the key elements of a healthy sex life.  Building trust, safety, and devotion goes hand in hand with fulfilling the following aspects:

The sense of mental, emotional, physical, and sexual safety.
Portraying a coherent rational state of mind that musters emotional control.
The lack of manipulation, coercion, or fear.
The existence of mutual trust and vulnerability between the people involved.

This may look intimidating at first glance; however, it can flow naturally. When fear and shame are no longer in place, and the right boundaries and authentic consent are present, you can finally feel empowered, liberated, and truly devoted.

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A candid young lady with an over-the-top personality, Linda Ashford is the friend you can always talk to without feeling judged and get a good laugh afterward! You’ll always find a good thing to read from her. Follow her on Reddit and Twitter..