BDSM Safety On Cam: Subspace & Aftercare

The internet is a simultaneously fascinating and dangerous world, which makes safety while working therein – especially in online sex work — extra important.

Cam models know to guard their personal information at all times, but staying safe in other areas of cam isn’t always intuitive. BDSM, a common kink for models and clients, carries its own mental and physical risks that can affect dominants, submissives and anyone else who partakes. Let’s learn about how to reduce those risks and stay safe at work.

BDSM Groundwork

BDSM is an acronym that, when broken up into the letter pairs BD, DS and SM, stands for Bondage/Discipline, Dominance/Submission and Sadism/Masochism, respectively. BDSM as a term refers to a wide range of mental and physical activities involving bondage, discipline, sadism, masochism, power exchange, role play and more. Consent from all involved parties is the hallmark of sane BDSM play, and special code words are often used to ensure everyone remains safe.

Both rookies and veterans alike need to anticipate some of the most common risks they may encounter during BDSM play on cam, regardless of whether they take a dominant or submissive role. While each fetish activity will have its own specific risk (think hot wax play or cock-and-ball torture), all BDSM activities can lead to subspace, a trance- or dream-like mind state caused by the body’s physiological response to the experience.

What is Subspace?

Subspace is akin to a runner’s high, and both subspace and runner’s high are the result of the body experiencing a surge of neurochemicals, like endorphins and adrenaline, in response to play activities. For example, beta-endorphin, a type of endorphin, binds to the mu-opioid receptors in the brain when we play, which increases dopamine, producing feelings of pleasure and relief from pain.

NB: Top space is also a real thing, but it is reported to be a state of “flow” rather than an endorphin induced trance. Flow is associated with heightened concentration and optimal performance. If needed, tops should follow the same aftercare as subs and plan to have a third party that can virtually/physically support them.

The risk in subspace and BDSM play lies in the body’s response to the prolonged release of endorphins. Eventually, the feelings of subspace will drop off once the large amount of neurochemicals are metabolized, but this absence of subspace could cause a blindsiding state of depression and anxiety. This drop is called “subdrob,” and it can happen 24-72 hours after play has ended according to user reported experiences.

Dominant models have a special responsibility to understand that the power within their role could lead to subspace and subdrop in some partners, especially if play is intense. It’s key that, at the very least, there are conversations about it before play starts. The most ideal way however for everyone to be safe in BDSM is for each participant to have a healthy level of personal self awareness. There’s a BDSM term for it called PRICK which means Personal Responsibility, Informed Consensual Kink.

Subspace and Aftercare

Since you may inevitably encounter some people who are not risk aware, and may even have BDSM sessions with them, you can standardize BDSM play on cam as a general safety precaution.

The following protocol, commonly followed by lifestyle BDSM participants, is a good starting point that can be modified to your needs.

Pre-brief Before You Play (First 5-10 Minutes)


A) Plan out your session with your play partner
 

Talk to the person(s) you have plans to play with. Discuss each others’ limits and any injuries or health risks that need to be known about. Outline what will occur during play and negotiate what aftercare methods will be performed after (and have any aftercare materials gathered by the applicable party if possible).

This page from BDSMWiki depicts a mock consent form, which you can use as a basis for pre-briefing. Consider drafting your own as a (non-legally binding) document that you can use with online play partners.

B) Agree On A Mandatory Safe Word System 


Choose a safe word or system together before play can commence. A safe word is a word that is chosen before play that means “STOP,” which is usually intended for use by the party that is having their limits pushed.

A widely used version of the safe word is the color system. It goes like this: The top asks the bottom what color they are. The bottom replies with one of the following colors, and the top adjusts accordingly if necessary.

The colors mean the following:

Green – I’m good, keep going
.

 

Yellow – I’m okay, but caution. My limits are being approached
.

 

Red – STOP completely.

Post-brief After You Play (Last 10-15 minutes)


A) Aftercare 


Make it mandatory that there are at least five minutes for aftercare once play is over or Red/Stop has been called. This helps the bottom get back into a good mind state after an intense experience. Since the bottom may be unable to form words for a little, start virtual aftercare by gently instructing the participant to respond to some easy verbal and physical cues, like asking them to say their name or flash a peace sign. Talk to them in a gentle tone and positively reinforce their efforts as they come around some more.

When they are more alert, gently instruct them to sip water, eat something small (fruit, nuts, chocolate) and to cover themselves in a blanket – ideally set up before play during the pre-briefing. There is no “right way” to do aftercare, but the more time you can spend during aftercare, the better it is for the affected party.

B) Debriefing


Once aftercare has taken place, spend a few minutes for debriefing. This is time to mutually discuss the positives and negatives of play time, fine tune things for the future and discuss other aspects of the experience while everything is still fresh in mind. Keep an open mind to each other and practice active listening. These post-play talks can cement bonds and increase feelings of trust, so try not to skip them!

C) Subdrop Management: 72 hour plan 


If play was extra intense or you know this will benefit the bottom party, you can collaborate on a 72 hour plan with them, even if it doesn’t involve you. Craft a plan that involves the drop-ee keeping themselves occupied and well with self care, fresh air, socialization and an emergency contact for the next three days in case subdrop occurs. If possible, communicate with them over the next few days to check in, but if not, the plan can be a great guide for them.

Play Safe!

BDSM pushes our mental and physical limits. It can creates bodily responses on a neurological level that can be felt for hours or days, and sometimes it’s done with people we don’t fully know yet. Cam models who practice BDSM need to communicate clearly with their play partners, understand the risks at hand and practice responsibility for themselves and others.

All that serious talk about protocol and pre- and post- briefing may sound discouraging or inconvenient, but when play is done with care, caution and respect, it can enrich lives, deepen bonds and birth new experiences that will be remembered for a lifetime.

If you have a special aftercare tradition or cam-related BDSM experience that you would like to share, let us know on Twitter or in the comments!

Additional Resources

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
 — 1-800-273- 8255 https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

Community Based BDSM Information — 
http://www.bdsmwiki.info/

FetLife: Social Network for the BDSM, Fetish & Kinky Community — 
https://fetlife.com/

Online BDSM Quiz
 — Here’s a free quiz for kinksters by kinksters that will help you determine which types of play your preferences fall under: https://www.bdsmtest.org/select-mode

— 

Anouk Gilmour is a registered yoga teacher at the 200-hour level. Eight years after trying camming in college, she is an amateur adult model again. Find her on Twitter at @anoukgilmour.

Images via Pexels (here and here) and Pixabay (here, here and here). BDSM logo found by the author.