I recently spoke about sex work with a writer-reporter. We were talking about porn, but I think the conversation applies equally to cam, escorting and even being a lawyer or nurse or reception person in a giant company.
I said something like, “As long as the work is consensual, then I support it.”
Then he said, “But what about jobs taken under duress? Like, what if the person decides to do the job because they are desperate for money?“
Then I said, “How is that different from the person who works at a big box retail store because they’re desperate for money?“
The conversation continued, but it got me to thinking: What about people who work in a job they don’t like, from webcam to porn to anything else? Sure, lots of us work in jobs we don’t really like. But the thing about webcam and other service occupations is you are selling and pitching and performing intimate personal work. Is it then fair to the client if you are gnashing your teeth (figuratively) every moment?
I read something about this on the interwebs recently (copyedited slightly).
[Some sex workers seem] to hate their jobs. Does this disgust stay concealed on the job? Or, do you find it affecting your work? And if so, do you think it’s fair to the client that you’re not in the right mood to provide service?
I found this interesting, especially because my initial response was “Who cares?” In a commercial labor relationship, a customer pays for a service. As long as the service is rendered, what’s going on behind the service provider’s eyes doesn’t matter. So, concern for sex workers’ wellbeing and capacity to manage work emotionally — yes. Concern for clients’ authenticity feels … less so.
There were some great responses to the initial question. Here’s one from a person talking about escorting and providing services paid for, namely fantasy.
[Clients] pay for a fantasy, so I give them the fantasy. I don’t have to like it with every client. It’s paid sex. It’s a fantasy. Uphold the fantasy because that’s what they bought. You should ethically give the service they bought — the fantasy that you are into it.
Whether you genuinely liked it or not isn’t the client’s issue. I find it strange so many sex workers base their business around wanting to have genuine sex with the client. You’re selling a fantasy. And it’s work. If you cannot give them the fantasy and you need to be genuinely into them, then maybe sex work isn’t for you.
Here is another bit of insight focusing on how one’s authentic preferences might get in the way of the job. If you really like Y and you must have Y, that’s great. But mandating Y might also get in the way of meeting a client’s needs — which is the job that’s being paid for — if said client isn’t into it.
The idea that you may not enjoy your job is only brought up in the context of sex work. No one asks or cares if the average McDonald’s worker likes their job. No one ever wonders if their friendly smile and pleasant interaction reflects their true state of mind. Asking a sex worker to justify the fairness of service that is “faked” reflects a prejudice against sex workers.
Sex workers provide sexual contact in exchange for money. It is emotional labor, whether you are aroused or not, and the sex worker’s arousal can actually be a detriment to providing good service. Even if a client says he wants you to tell him what you like, ultimately he is there for HIS satisfaction, not yours. If you start to guide them through your process of arousal, it may not be engaging to him at all.
It’s interesting to think about the ethics of performance and enjoyment. I imagine everyone negotiates a balance that works for them, but I also imagine if you are struggling to establish or maintain that balance, then it might be time for some career assessment and soul searching.
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Got something you want to share? Tips or rage-inducing incidents that other models may benefit from? Email erika@ynotcam.com. I’d love to hear from you!
